What does it take to change someone's mind, today?
Howdy Bold Behaviourists 👋🏽
Trying to persuade someone can be an utter pain. I know. I have a 6 year old who won't put on his shoes.
Maybe like me, today you need to persuade someone to do something, or try an idea or buy into you as a person... what ever it is this is what you must know about what takes to change a mind.
Getting someone to change their mind can feel like trying to teach a cat to fetch.
But maybe, you're looking at it all the wrong way?
Perhaps you don't need to change minds, maybe we just need to help people let go of beliefs that are getting in the way of the best decision. 💡
First things first. Facts mean sweet FA in decision making.
Well almost.
Research has found that piling on logical evidence is actually one of the worst ways to get people to change their minds. Many many studies have been done, one of note was by Brendan Nyhan and Jason Reifler, two leading researchers examining political misinformation.
Their 2009 paper, “The Effects of Semantics and Social Desirability in Correcting the Obama Muslim Myth,” (rolls off the tongue that one) found that affirming statements appeared to be more effective at convincing people to abandon or question their incorrect views.
They actually found when people were presented with factual corrections that contradicted their beliefs, they often doubled down on their original stance. They called it the “backfire effect”.
“When your deepest convictions are challenged by contradictory evidence, your beliefs get stronger.
Maybe “stubborn mules” would have been better?
This week I thought I’d share with you some research on what actually works.
As ever, the approach I’m encouraging you to take is not to strong arm, but to nudge people to make a choice for them of their own free will.
Why humans are so darn stubborn when it comes to shifting their perspectives
There is one standstand-out out lesson I remember from the entirety of my time at school. And as it happens, it was within the first few weeks of starting.
Mrs H-C, my form tutor, gave us all a black and white cartoon picture to look at.
“What do you see?”
I remember clearly what I saw. A big burly man, with a closed shaved head wearing an angry scowl. His big muscular arms were outstretched as he lunged to push an old lady with a cane to the floor.
I bet you can guess what Mrs H-C was about to do.
She asked us what we saw but also what was happening. Of course, the room all piped up with the obvious answer - he’s attacking her.
“Are you sure?”
A resounding yes. We were all adamant that was exactly what was happening.
“Can I change your mind?”
Of course not. Because we were all absolutely sure about what we saw. And being stubborn 11 years olds we clearly knew better.
She gave us another picture.
This one zoomed out and showed us that the lady had walked under a crane on a construction site which had a heavy load of bricks about to drop on her head. He was pushing her out of the way and saving her.
Mic drop from Mrs H-C.
That lesson always stayed with me.
Mrs H-C was brilliant at changing our minds in that moment - the trick was that she didn’t tell us… she showed us.
What's in the way of a good decision?
No 1. Lazy brains
Changing someone’s mind is difficult. Only because our brains are lazy. Well, not lazy so much as in “energy saving” mode.
If we don’t have to think about it, We won't waste the energy doing so.
No.2 Confirmation bias
Our brain’s sneaky way of favouring information that supports our existing beliefs while ignoring evidence that contradicts them.
A review by Frontiers in Psychology found that across fields like management, finance, and law, professionals are prone to seeking and interpreting information that confirms their pre-existing beliefs.
So, a CEO might favour risky strategies because they’re convinced of their potential, despite evidence suggesting otherwise… is this intuition? Or something else?
No.3 People confuse Fact Vs Fiction
By that I mean mistaking social reality (attitudes about people or politics or pineapple on pizza) with physical reality (hard facts like water has a boiling point of 100c).
Ok - so you know a little about what will be getting in your way this week…
What can you do about it?
Easy peasy...
1. Create Cognitive Dissonance
(aka the discomfort of holding two conflicting ideas)
Show them ideas that gently challenge their beliefs, making them question their current stance without feeling attacked. Like the cartoon image. Showing is the important bit. Telling doesn’t work.
2. Use Social Proof and Peer Influence
We can’t help it. Who information comes from matters. This is why a key courtroom strategy is to undermine any opposing witnesses. We all have people we would listen to, and not listen to.
So highlight examples of respected peers or influencers who have embraced the new perspective. Make it feel safe for them.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions (OEQ)
The OEQ is a beautiful thing - done well, you remove judgement, provocation and you actually partner with the person to find a solution. Instead of telling someone what to think, you end up guiding them to arrive at the conclusion themselves.
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference
4. Help them own the discovery
People are possessive. Sometimes they don’t want your idea, they want theirs. That’s OK.
By asking questions, getting confirmation of what they want and guiding them to a new perspective, you can make the new belief feel like their own discovery,
This helps them take ownership of it. Otherwise known as the endowment effect.
Your BOLD challenge for the week
To help you put these tips into practice, here are three coaching questions to use this week to experiment.
- What simple question can you ask today that presents a new perspective or piece of evidence to a colleague in a way that makes them think twice without feeling defensive?
- Who in your team or department can you mention today who has successfully adopted a new approach or perspective, and how can you bring up their success in a casual conversation?
- What open-ended question can you ask a colleague today to encourage them to explore different solutions or viewpoints on a current work task or project?
Can you let me know how you get on?
Remember, changing minds isn’t about winning arguments... it’s about guiding others to see new possibilities and perspectives, just like Mrs H-C.
That's it from me! Go. Be Bold. Change minds.
Have a great week and I'll return to your inbox soon!
Over and out,
Alex
(P.S. Pls send any improvements or suggestions my way. What can I do less or more of?)
